[log] God Must Hate Me [closed]

[rubikscomplex]

Characters: House, the Joker, Luna, and Quark
Location Building 58
Date: Day 139/140
Summary: House really wasn't expecting the Joker to leave downtown... It's a heartfelt reunion! And maybe some decryption on the side.
Warnings: The Joker is his own warning, as is House. Will add specifics if/when they come up!

[The building is a simple single-story house, the snow weighs uneasily on it, and it creaks and groans under the strain at the best of times. It's very dark, and only the kitchen and living room are intact. The kitchen has a back door. Two snowmen have been built outside. A message has been written on the wall in blue ink: "Don't wreck the snowmen! That's super mean!" "ALPHONSE ELRIC, MAMI TOMOE, FREYA CRESCENT, GREED, EDWARD ELRIC, STEPHANIE BROWN, DAY FORTY ONE, TRAVELLING EAST." has been carved into one of the walls. The following has been written on the wall in blue pen: "This is Building 95 97 on the composite map. Contact @CaptSteveRogers for details." Underneath this is a fairly accurate map showing the house in relation to the school and buildings 29, 35, 35, 37, 40, 41, 47, 48, 50, 53. House 34 is labeled "Medical assistance; hot, clean water. Contact Dr. Epps @claytonator". The school is labeled "School. Food available in cafeteria; DO NOT STAY HERE OVERNIGHT." The shed is labeled "Shed".]

Comments

[rubikscomplex]

[Okay... for the momentary satisfaction, that probably wasn't worth it. House pulls the mallet up into both hands, backing up to the point that he's in the entry between the living room and the kitchen. They're the only two rooms in this place. There's just not enough space to properly run and hide from the other man.

Whatever minor confidence he'd been rebuilding in their 'chat' crumbles, and he lowers his gaze for a moment to watch Joker's hands as House shakes his head. Not enemies, no.]

[harlequinofhate]

[The Joker presses his gloved hands together as if praying, the card clasped between them.

For a moment his eyes are hidden in the shadows of his flowery, wide brimmed hat then he looks up at House again and stares.

Silence, then...]

So...

So we're still buddies?

[rubikscomplex]

[He freaking hates this guy. This isn't an actual question. They're 'buddies' or House is going to get murdered again. He only just got murdered.

The doctor clenches the mallet in a white knuckle grip, keeping his eyes lowered in deference as he nods. Screw everything about this situation. Once he can get ahold of Bucky, he's going to love watching this asshole get taken down a peg.]

[harlequinofhate]

Aw, buddy, I knew you cared!

[He gets up from the couch and walks towards House with open arms.]

C'mere, you, gimme a hug!

[rubikscomplex]

[House doesn't move from where he is, doesn't engage, but he won't resist if the Joker hugs him, just silently tolerate it while standing stiff as a board. He dislikes physical contact at the best of times with most people. Joker being anywhere near him with the potential to stab him if he doesn't behave 'correctly' is not at all on his list of desirable situations.

He could just pretend it isn't bothering him, but the problem is he's not sure that would actually help in this situation. The Joker already knows House doesn't like it. Faking it is just going to encourage him to take it farther, press the boundaries to the breaking point. They're already near enough to it with that kiss.

If the Joker hangs onto him for more than fifteen seconds, House will start pulling away, gently, at first. He's careful not to try to shove the other man as he does so, though.]

[harlequinofhate]

[The Joker embraces House and uses the closeness to hide his movements as he slides a hand down and makes a grab for the mallet.]

[rubikscomplex]

[He can make a grab for it. House has the thing in a death grip, though. He has to resist the reflex to lash out at the Joker, but he'll keep his hold unless Joker threatens. His eyes do jump up to the other man's face - people are too tall here, House is used to being the tallest guy in the room, even at a slouch - and he stares at the Joker.

If it looks like he's getting angry or annoyed, House will let go. If not, he'll hold on.]

[harlequinofhate]

[The Joker, still pressed entirely too close, smiles.]

C'mon, Doc, let go of the mallet. I mean, unless you're gonna take a swing at me.

Think you can cave my skull before I cave yours?

[rubikscomplex]

[He wishes he could talk. Because he'd mention he was more aiming for the kneecaps. But perhaps it's better that he can't. Better not to give the Joker other ideas.

House closes his eyes and lets go before balling his hand into a tight fist. This is humiliating, really, and that might be worse than the fear. He's being pushed around by a guy who looks like he just got kicked out of a 2-bit carnival. Why the hell does he have to have the clown motif? At least Duster and Alfie look frightening.

Well... Alfie moreso. Duster's just pretty in that assassin/rogue way.]

[harlequinofhate]

[Joker seizes the mallet and lifts it up, as if he were ready to take a swing.]

HA!

[rubikscomplex]

[House lurches back immediately, eyes going wide as he raises an arm against a blow and puts the door frame between himself and the full swing of the mallet. There's only a sharp intake of breath, but he really wishes he could swear right now.]

[harlequinofhate]

[What a wonderful reaction.

Satisfied, the Joker tosses the mallet over his shoulder.]

There. I don't think we'll be needing that, will we?

[rubikscomplex]

[The Vicodin is not worth this.
The Vicodin is not worth this.
The Vicodin is sure as hell not worth this.

But he's going to stay to try to get it, anyway.

His leg is starting to hurt, anyway. There's no reason for that, and he's just had his nightly dose, but god, does he need another hit.

House reaches into his pocket, not to actually pull out the pills, but to wrap his hand around the bottle for the comfort. His other hand makes a quick open handed sweep as he scowls. Jesus, he's known guys who go off and on like a light, but the Joker's redefining what he considers excessive.]

[harlequinofhate]

I don't know what that gesture means, Doc.

Do you think I'm being dramatic?

[He slings an arm around House's shoulders and tries to walk him back to the couch.]

My shrink tells me I can be a wee bit impulsive. So sorry.

[rubikscomplex]

[His skin crawls and he half-jerks away before realizing it's pointless. He's already been brought to heel here. Acquiescing might just make him boring enough to ignore after the Joker's had his fun. The man likely won't focus on him for too long.

Hopefully.

While he lets himself be walked, House hunches his shoulders. He's pretty sure he hasn't had this much physical contact with another human being in the three months that he's been here. Even half-freezing, he'd rarely done more than sleep near or next to another person. He's certainly never put his arms around them.

When they make it to the couch, House grabs his pack and clutches it like a shield. He still has a few other weapons attached to it, but they both know those aren't getting used for now. At least he can try to use it as a barrier when he's forced to sit. He'll try to sit as close to the arm rest as possible and place his pack next to himself, rather than letting Joker sit down immediately to his side.]

[harlequinofhate]

[Joker allows House to sit a distance away. He rolls back his sleeve and extends an arm.]

Just so you know if you stick me with anything other than a needle there's gonna be words.

[rubikscomplex]

[House looks down at Joker's arm, then up at his face again, expression incredulous. He glances around the room a few times, even raising his hand above his brow as if spying something in the distance. A few seconds later, he turned one of his hands over and raised it before miming looking through the microscope again, then making a cutting motion.

Have you seen his microscope? House hasn't. He reaches into his pack and pulls out his notepad, an idea forming. The tunnels are no escape. They'll force him in certain limited directions. He needs something open. Like the school.

House draws up a quick picture of a microscope, then flips to a page that shows a rough map of the nearby area. He points to the school.]

[harlequinofhate]

[Joker sits back and presses his fingertips together.]

You don't have a microscope handy? I thought you were going down into the tunnels to see moi.

You weren't...going to try to skip out on our appointment, were you?

[rubikscomplex]

[Considering this is already a lie, he's going to have to snowball it. He was heading to get the microscope where it was actually stored in the hospital. It's a moment for him to draw an extra section on his map showing the tunnels and post office. He adds two stick figures to the side, one with a cane, and the other with green hair.

House taps the stick figure with the cane and traces a line to the school. He mimes picking up something and setting it down again. The microscope was put there. Then he traces a path down to the tunnels and over to the post office. He taps the green-haired stick figure next and traces with his finger from somewhere in the downtown area to the post office.

They meet up at the post office after he puts the microscope in the school.

House taps both stick figures, and traces another path with his finger back up through the ice tunnels and to the school.

Viola!

He just didn't want the Joker picking their ultimate meeting location. Clearly. That's it.]

[harlequinofhate]

[He tilts his head. It's all possible but the one factor that makes him skeptical...]

That seems like a very long way of doing it. You just wanted to travel with me for a while, is that it?

I don't blame you.

I'm interesting company.

[rubikscomplex]

[Okay. That's... uh. There are times when he's very, very glad he's a good bullshitter who can come up with things on the fly. House gives the Joker a flat look. 'Interesting.' Right.

The doctor sketches a bear trap, points to the Joker, then to the trap. He points to himself, then lets his finger circle downtown.

You wanted to trap him downtown. This forces it so that you can't.]

[harlequinofhate]

Oh, please.

If I was gonna trap you I'd be much more clever about it.

[He stands up and turns face House, their knees touching.]

Maybe you are trying to trap me?

Is that it? After our little talk are you gonna lead me into another ambush?

[He grabs the fireplace poker from the couch and presses its tip against House's throat.]

Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you and spare myself the hassle.

[rubikscomplex]

[Mood Swing Molly. That's the Joker's new nickname. House is emotionally exhausted at this point. He keeps being almost not terrified again, and then this. What the hell does the guy expect him to say? Denial? There's no plans for an ambush. Yet. He just needs somewhere that he's actually familiar with if he's going to try to escape.

He could be glib, put his hands into a heart. That might end in the Joker laughing or just killing him to make a point. It might also end in the asshole kissing him again for being glib. House would rather avoid that.

House reaches into his pack and pulls out the juggling balls, juggling two of them one-handed for a moment.

He can be entertaining?]

[harlequinofhate]

Speechless, eh? Say something you sack of-

[Another coughing fit comes. He hacks into his fist and steps back as the coughing steals the breath from his lungs.

Breathe.

Breathe.

He collapses sideways to the floor, wheezing.]

[rubikscomplex]

['Say something.' Right. Screw you, too, moron. Things House would like to say. But then Joker is on the ground, hacking a lung out.

Is this a trick? Is he being tested? House stares, silent and on edge. Stealing the poker is just going to end up like the mallet. He could... try to murder the Joker while he's down? But for all that he'd like the clown dead, actively murdering someone is a hell of a lot different than assisting them in a clinical setting. And what if it is a test? The Joker could conceivably be faking all that to get House interested in what's wrong with him and gauge how he'll respond to a moment of weakness. It doesn't look like faking, but he doesn't know how good an actor the guy is.

There's no escape here. If he screws this up, either way he's dying. Either from a fireplace poker to the face or exposure. He could check the guy's vitals, but like hell is he touching the clown.

House draws his legs up and wraps his arms around them, just watching the other man on the floor. He's not helping, but he's too frightened and too trapped to take any other actions, either.]