Characters: Zack, Tifa, Zell, Kunsel, and... Jim? Kind of? Location: House 43 Date: Day 72 Summary: Jim tries to take out a monster and fails miserably. Warnings: Death, violence, grief? You know, Snowhell stuff.
It's a kind of almost that they visited once before when they'd lost Tadashi. But that had been well over a month ago. Over a month to have their lives haunted by other fears. Over a month for it to be lost in the shuffle. There's been plenty of reasons to forget it.
The reminder that day- cruel far from fits the overwhelming feelings.
He'd trusted him to run. He'd trusted him to fall back. He usually did. And if he hesitated, all it took was a shout to get him to find reason again. But that had been before Sephiroth and the divide between them. That had been before something fell between he and the young cadet and while the young man had continued on as he did with the others, something had been off since then. A something that comes to a head in that moment.
Because this time, he doesn't run. This time, he doesn't fall back. No, this time, he runs hellbent towards it before Zack even realizes what's happening, hockey stick swinging. Instinctively, Zack follows. But it's those precious seconds in between realization and acting that cost him, even as he shouts at the top of his lungs. ]
Jim, no-!
[ Zack almost reaches him. He almost stops him, pulls him back, prepared to shout and curse and drag his ass out of there.
But he misses. Jim's grabbed and yanked just a hair out of Zack's reach and in mere seconds the damage is already done. Almost stopped him. Almost saved him.
Jim hangs limply above. Gone. He's gone. And they've got to move. ]
[Things tend to get brighter before it all goes to shit again. He could feel, see, breathe, taste, and hear again. He can touch his friends and her their voices. He could feel their warmth again.
Yesterday, they picked up Dumpy and it’s been fun. He’s having a blast again, despite being here in Snowhell.
That is until now.
It’s like someone was screwing around with time magic. One moment, Jim is where he’s supposed to be. Zell is saying something as he thinks about bringing Dumpy out of coat to let him fly around. The next moment Jim is speeding off with his hockey stick out running at something. It’s too late.
Zell feels stuck in place as he watches the thing latch on to Jim.] JIM!
[He’s yelling as he moves towards them. He can still save him, right? He can still pull him away from it before it can eat him. He knows he can do it! He has to save Jim. He has to.
Zell is running towards both monster and friend, curling his hands with every intention of beating the thing until it lets go of Jim.]
[They'd been having good luck with monsters, although any doubt Tifa had had about the danger of the anomalies had been shattered with Hiro's death. And after Cloud, they've all been sticking a little closer together. That's why, when they spot this... Thing, whatever it is, Tifa doesn't panic immediately. They're far enough away to make a run for it. They can easily get to the house in time.
And then she sees Jim running towards it.]
Stop!
[It comes out desperate, almost shrill, because it's obvious what Jim's plan is when he lifts his hockey stick. Tifa's reaction is the same as the others' -- she sprints towards them, her hands curling into fists instinctively, even if she knows nothing is going to hurt that thing. For a split second, she thinks it's fine. Zack is close enough, and when he reaches out, she thinks he'll be able to snatch Jim back to safety. But then the monster pulls Jim farther out of reach, and Tifa's heart sinks as Zack misses.
Not again. She's not going to let this happen again. She can't just let this thing take Jim without at least trying to... to do something. So even as Zack stops, even as he starts backing up, Tifa is still heading towards them with absolutely no plan.]
Too far from Jim to have any hope of stopping him, all Kunsel can do is open his mouth with his hand stretched out in the bare second it takes for Jim's body to go still and limp in the monster's grasp. SOLDIER Second Class. Combat specialist. War veteran. Kunsel knows death when he sees it, even when the realization is crashing down around him, making time feel too slow too fast all at once. Jim's dead.
And there's a monster.
Priorities and training slam into place.]
Tifa, don't!
[He jerks his hand from its original course, grabbing onto her instead. There's no time to be gentle about it, no time to see if she'll stop. He's hauling back, urging her to run.]
[There is a loud clatter as he drops his stuff down in the middle of the living room and heads straight towards the steps to the basement. He's been to this place before and it clicks in where to go before his brain has any time to process. He's angry, upset, hurt, sad, and frustrated. He should have done something. SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING.
Jim is gone. Jim might be gone for good. He might not be able to snow board, laugh, talk about solar surfers or t-boards or anything ever again with Jim. He won't see him smile or do that expression when he's trying to figure something out ever again.
He's going to yell before grabbing the stupid television stand from the floor and hurling it across the room. The he's taking steps over to the wall to punch it. He's going to keep at it until either something feels better or numb.]
[Tifa doesn't know what to do with herself. All she knows is that she need to go somewhere away from the others and cry, or freak out, or... Maybe just sit in a corner for a while. She's blinking back tears, trying to hold it together long enough to leave the room when she hears the crash from downstairs.
She can't deal with this right now. She doesn't think she can put on a brave face and comfort someone else. But she remembers her conversation with Zack after Cloud had died, and her promise to herself that she would be strong for the others, and she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes to steady herself before she follows him.
He's punching the wall. She gets it, really she does, but the last thing any of them need is an injury, especially a broken hand or split open knuckles. So she takes another breath and then crosses the room, hesitating behind him. She does her best to keep her voice somewhat soothing, although she just misses the mark.]
Zell, stop. Please. You're going to hurt yourself.
[Left. Right. And then left again. He doesn’t even hear Tifa as she comes down the stairs or approach behind him. Zell doesn’t feel the wiggling from under his coat from Dumpy being in there.
It wasn’t until he heard his name and the word stop that he does. He’s panting as he leans forward to rest his forehead against the wall.]
Tifa… [He doesn’t want to turn around just yet.] He's gone...
[ The moment he had entered the house, the world had become a blur of hurried habit. Furniture's stacked and shoved and slammed in front of doors and windows faster and faster until there's nothing else he needs to cover. Until all that's left to hear is the sound of his own heavy breaths. Breaths that quicken, heart pounding on overdrive as he finds himself empty of work but not of emotion. Far from emotions and they hit their peak and hit it fast.
With an unintelligible cry, he kicks the nearest thing to him. The chair scuttles and screeches slightly against the floor but fails to tip over and he glares at it before he goes after it again. He snatches it and this time there's no mistaking the way he wails it against the threshold leading into the dining room. There's a solid crack as one of the legs give before it clatters to the floor.
But it's not enough. It'll never be enough. He's gone. He's dead. Like Tadashi. Like Cloud. Like Hiro, Jim's-
[After checking on Zell, Tifa heads back upstairs, intent on finding some quiet corner of the house to hide in. She's on the verge of tears, and she'd done a decent job of holding them back for Zell, but her nerves are frayed and her emotions are all over the place. She keeps picturing Jim, limp, his legs dangling, and so by the time she reaches the top of the steps, her throat is tight and her vision is blurring.
She heard the commotion, and Zack's shout was impossible to mistake for anything other than misplaced anger, but for a moment, she just can't bring herself to stop him. At least he's not punching a wall. At least he probably won't hurt himself. And honestly, she's not sure she can hold herself together long enough to calm him down, anyway.
And then he goes for the table, and the last of her patience snaps.]
[ Something in the back of his mind hears something, catches onto a feeling that he's not alone anymore. The rest of him pushes that away, pushes forward and grasps onto those raw emotions. Emotions slowly bottled up and suppressed. For their own good. For their own sake. Because he's SOLDIER. Because he can't break. Because they need that. Because he can't give them anymore reason to-
But he did. He saw. He watched. He was right there and he let it happen. All of it. He could have stopped it. He could have said something. If only he'd been- If only he'd said-
But he didn't and now- And now Jim's-!
With a forceful crash, the table lands sideways, scuffed and shaking from the force of the motion. It rattles against the uneven floorboards as he takes in harsh breaths. The sound's aggravating and he takes a step forward, arm winding back. ]
[ It's late when he decides to venture down the stairs. Late enough that it's pitch black in the stairwell and he has to light the way with his tablet to land his steps right without falling down there instead. In the past, when it had come to Tadashi... and when it had come to Cloud especially, he'd been in the bad habit of closing off. Of shutting down and grieving alone, blaming himself.
The blame's still there. But if there's anything Hiro had reminded him of, it's that he can't fall apart on them. That if a kid half his size with no claim to combat experience can bravely take a death blow for him, this should be nothing to him. It... has to be. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell.
But... they're hurting like hell, too. And he's gotta...
The last step feels like it echoes, even if it doesn't. He swings the tablet around, heart lurching in his chest as light bounces off the broken glass of the display case, as it lances across the empty spot on the wall where he knows used to house the very thing that aided Jim to damnation. Softly, throat tightening, he calls out: ] Zell?
[Earlier, Zell had gone upstairs to get his tablet out for Dumpy. He set the little bot up with a network post with Rhys in it. That should keep him happy for a bit. As much as Zell appreciated having the little guy, he needed a break from the “face hugs.” He’s once more back in the man cave with his fitted sheet and blue sweater.
He already knows there is no way he’s getting any sleep. He keeps looking for Jim, and it was hurting all over again. They already lost Hiro recently…why did they have to lose Jim? He’s still hoping that maybe when they walk out tomorrow, they will find Jim out there. Or Jim will come down the steps…
The one who comes down the stairs is Zack. Not Jim.
Zell is sitting on the floor in front of the couch. The rug is helping against the cold, but not by much. He has his fitted sheet on the couch with a large blue sweater.]
Zack. [He’ll give a wave as he squints at the light.] Some stuff has changed in here since last I’ve been here.
[ At least Dumpy's a happy little bugger. Not really something they can say for... well. Anyone else in the house this particular night. Zell's not the only one finding himself pausing and checking himself. A swinging glance here. A thought there. It all just makes the weight of his guilty all that much heavier to be reminded again and again that Jim's dead. That he'll never be able to make things right between the two of them. That's how it ended-
But that's something he's going to have to live with and deal with later. Right then, he's there for Zell. So, he nods at that wave, making a conscious effort to lower the tablet's light when he sees the way Zell scrunches his face. But he's making his way over, regardless, now that he sees where he is. ]
Yeah... [ Being such a conversationalist as he does so. But it has changed... It'll continue to change. Life goes on, with or without- Zack shakes his head as he crosses the rest of the distance and Zell now might see the towel bundled under one of Zack's arms. Might see the soft look in the mako glow of his eyes. ]
Hey... About earlier. I'm sorry. [ Even if he might have all the reason in the world to yell at Zell in the moment, to get him moving, laying it on him like that, even in the heat of the moment... ]
Now... Well, Tifa's next on the list. She's... admittedly a little harder to approach. By only a little bit though, really. Zell had grown close to Jim since he'd joined them. And losing him had been... Well, let's just say that television stand was going to be in need of some serious repairs. The dry wall downstairs, too.
But Tifa... Well. She'd gotten the worst of his backlash after the fact. But it's also because of that that he should definitely seek her out, too, before the end of the night. With how heavy things have been, it takes him a little to track her down. His mind's been a hazy mishmash of thoughts and memories. But mainly regret. But just as he starts to fall into that pit, he fights himself back to the surface because focus, Fair. Gotta find Tifa.
He eventually tracks her down in the kitchen. Rather than bowling in, he remains at the threshold, giving a slight nod in her direction as if asking for permission. ] Hey...
[Tifa's sitting at the table, her tablet in front of her. Even though the display is lit up, she has her chin propped up on her hand, staring off into the middle distance. She's lost in thought, which is always a bad thing, and she starts a little when she hears Zack's voice.
The parallel with their talk about Cloud hits her immediately, especially when he doesn't join her right away. It seems like every time they start feeling comfortable around each other, something else happens to make her feel a little awkward again, but really... She understands why he reacted the way he did. She knows all about anger in hopeless situations, so she doesn't blame him, even if she might have responded to him less than politely.
Her hands drop to her lap, twisting together. She wishes she could smile or at least fake cheerfulness, but she's too exhausted to manage it. She hopes he knows that she's not upset with him, anyway.]
[ One step forward, two steps back. That's sometimes how it feels between them for a moment. At least the moment before she acknowledges him. She's not mad. Sure- she's not happy, but... It's unhappiness not directed at him. He lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he allows himself to finally step into the kitchen.
He hesitates another beat before he goes far enough as to cross the distance to the table, itself, where he touches the back of the chair opposite hers but doesn't sit. Not quite yet. Instead, he's rubbing at the back of his neck, uneasy. ]
Look... I didn't mean to... you know. Before... [ With the literal table flipping and the angry shouting and the... everything awful that he shouldn't have done but had in the midst of his emotional breakdown. ]
[His knuckles hurt. He should have known better. Should have known it wasn't a smart idea to punch a wall when he doesn't have SOLDIER strength, SOLDIER durability. But once they were safe and Jim wasn't, all the roiling emotions he'd bottled up had come spilling out, needing an outlet.
Anger, helplessness, frustration, grief.
His knuckles hurt.
But the pain means nothing.
Tadashi, Cloud, Hiro, and now Jim. Even for a SOLDIER - especially for a SOLDIER - it's hard losing so many companions. He's supposed to be the one protecting them, not standing by helpless as they die. It has to be hard for the others, too, he knows. Especially Zack. He should probably go check on them all.
But he knows he's not in any state to help anyone right now, which is why anyone looking for him will find him sitting on the floor of one of the bedrooms, hunched over, with his back against the wall.]
[ Seeing to Zell hadn't been easy. Talking with Tifa hadn't either. But when he realizes Kunsel's no where to be found, that's... that's where a part of him panics for a split second before the other part of him kicks himself. He's in the house with them. He just needs to find him. That's all.
So, he's going to. Zack already knows he's not downstairs- had done a quick sweep of it. That leaves the upstairs next and it... doesn't take long before he finds him from there. There's no permission asked to enter when he sees him how he sees him. No hesitation although his steps set a slow pace, so he doesn't catch him by surprise either. They've been through so much. Zack, himself, has been such a wreck, even as he's tried to keep himself together. But seeing Kunsel like this... He has to do better. Even if he's hurting like hell.
Zack slides down against the wall until he's sitting beside him. Sitting there and glancing at those said knuckles which he's sure are sore as hell before trying to get a glance of him under that helmet which might mean leaning forward and looking up, hand instinctively going to touch his shoulder. ] Hey...
[It's not a surprise when Zack finds him here. It's not a surprise when he joins him on the floor. Maybe Kunsel had thought he'd have a little more time before Zack collected himself, but he'd known, somewhere in the back of his mind, that at some point one of them would look for the other to talk.
Who better than a SOLDIER to know what a SOLDIER would be going through right now...
Though it doesn't mean that he's ready yet. He tilts his head down, avoiding Zack's eyes, his shoulders slumped under that touch.]
Hey... [His voice is soft, almost toneless.] Thought you'd be busy for a while.
[Tifa is exhausted, but she thinks she's finally cried herself out, and the initial anger and fear has been replaced by a sick sense of grief. She's helpless, here as she was in Nibelheim, and even their increased vigilance after Cloud and Hiro's deaths apparently haven't been enough.
So what are they supposed to do? How are they supposed to keep this from happening again?
The only plan she really has, at the moment, is to check up on Kunsel. He'd saved her today, after all. If he hadn't reacted so quickly, she's not certain she would have stopped herself in time. And she knows she hadn't exactly reacted gratefully, so she feels like she owes him an apology at the very least.
It doesn't take her long to find him, but when she does, she hesitates in the doorway, not sure if her presence is wanted or not. Maybe he just wants to be alone, but it's worth a shot.]
[Kunsel had talked to Zack already, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's feeling much better. You can't lose a companion, watch them die right in front of you, and just... get over it. But at least Kunsel isn't just staring at the floor anymore. He'd pulled his tablet out and was scrolling halfheartedly through recent posts when Tifa came in the room.
When she speaks, though, he looks up soon enough.]
Hm?
[Sorry, Tifa. You have his attention, but he can't quite muster much more than that.]
Jim hunches in on himself, coat wrapped closed and hat tucked down low over his ears, as his eyes stay sharp picking shadows from the snow. He's aware of each of the group, where they are in relation to him and each other, and keeps a careful look-out in the rubble they pass. It's a constant process of wary scanning that's become normal in the days since Cloud, and absolutely cemented since Hiro. The thought of either of them has his hands curling a little tighter around the hockey stick.
It kept building, the tension a physical force in his shoulders and head, since he tried to raise Cloud on the network and failed. Since they had to tell everyone what they'd done. It built through Sephiroth, through Zack, through Hiro.
Just because he can put one foot in front of the other doesn't mean he's moving forward anymore. They can't do anything to fight back, not really; even the little victories here are just be another mind-game in the end. He is so sick of mind games, and monsters, and people dying. He just wants -
It comes from nowhere, but Jim sees it first.
He wants -
He doesn't shout a warning.
He wants -
He doesn't turn and run away.
He wants -
He narrows his eyes, clutches his stick a little tighter, and screams wordlessly as he charges.
His swing doesn't - quite - connect. The feeling of a hit is replaced by the hideous thing grabbing his stick and then it's - on him, as his hands claw wildly at the bits wrapped around his face. He can't spare thoughts for his friends, or the future, or anything in the immediacy of the sudden panic of not being able to breathe.
His feet kick uselessly, catching but unable to get any leverage as he feels himself dragged forward.
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mmm that you only meant well?
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Almost stopped it.
Almost made it.
It's a kind of almost that they visited once before when they'd lost Tadashi. But that had been well over a month ago. Over a month to have their lives haunted by other fears. Over a month for it to be lost in the shuffle. There's been plenty of reasons to forget it.
The reminder that day- cruel far from fits the overwhelming feelings.
He'd trusted him to run. He'd trusted him to fall back. He usually did. And if he hesitated, all it took was a shout to get him to find reason again. But that had been before Sephiroth and the divide between them. That had been before something fell between he and the young cadet and while the young man had continued on as he did with the others, something had been off since then. A something that comes to a head in that moment.
Because this time, he doesn't run. This time, he doesn't fall back. No, this time, he runs hellbent towards it before Zack even realizes what's happening, hockey stick swinging. Instinctively, Zack follows. But it's those precious seconds in between realization and acting that cost him, even as he shouts at the top of his lungs. ]
Jim, no-!
[ Zack almost reaches him. He almost stops him, pulls him back, prepared to shout and curse and drag his ass out of there.
But he misses. Jim's grabbed and yanked just a hair out of Zack's reach and in mere seconds the damage is already done. Almost stopped him. Almost saved him.
Jim hangs limply above. Gone. He's gone. And they've got to move. ]
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Yesterday, they picked up Dumpy and it’s been fun. He’s having a blast again, despite being here in Snowhell.
That is until now.
It’s like someone was screwing around with time magic. One moment, Jim is where he’s supposed to be. Zell is saying something as he thinks about bringing Dumpy out of coat to let him fly around. The next moment Jim is speeding off with his hockey stick out running at something. It’s too late.
Zell feels stuck in place as he watches the thing latch on to Jim.] JIM!
[He’s yelling as he moves towards them. He can still save him, right? He can still pull him away from it before it can eat him. He knows he can do it! He has to save Jim. He has to.
Zell is running towards both monster and friend, curling his hands with every intention of beating the thing until it lets go of Jim.]
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And then she sees Jim running towards it.]
Stop!
[It comes out desperate, almost shrill, because it's obvious what Jim's plan is when he lifts his hockey stick. Tifa's reaction is the same as the others' -- she sprints towards them, her hands curling into fists instinctively, even if she knows nothing is going to hurt that thing. For a split second, she thinks it's fine. Zack is close enough, and when he reaches out, she thinks he'll be able to snatch Jim back to safety. But then the monster pulls Jim farther out of reach, and Tifa's heart sinks as Zack misses.
Not again. She's not going to let this happen again. She can't just let this thing take Jim without at least trying to... to do something. So even as Zack stops, even as he starts backing up, Tifa is still heading towards them with absolutely no plan.]
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Deaddeaddead, he's dead.
Too far from Jim to have any hope of stopping him, all Kunsel can do is open his mouth with his hand stretched out in the bare second it takes for Jim's body to go still and limp in the monster's grasp. SOLDIER Second Class. Combat specialist. War veteran. Kunsel knows death when he sees it, even when the realization is crashing down around him, making time feel too slow too fast all at once. Jim's dead.
And there's a monster.
Priorities and training slam into place.]
Tifa, don't!
[He jerks his hand from its original course, grabbing onto her instead. There's no time to be gentle about it, no time to see if she'll stop. He's hauling back, urging her to run.]
Don't be an idiot!
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WELL OF COURSE YOU DID
(ﾉಥДಥ)ﾉ︵┻━┻･/
Jim is gone. Jim might be gone for good. He might not be able to snow board, laugh, talk about solar surfers or t-boards or anything ever again with Jim. He won't see him smile or do that expression when he's trying to figure something out ever again.
He's going to yell before grabbing the stupid television stand from the floor and hurling it across the room. The he's taking steps over to the wall to punch it. He's going to keep at it until either something feels better or numb.]
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She can't deal with this right now. She doesn't think she can put on a brave face and comfort someone else. But she remembers her conversation with Zack after Cloud had died, and her promise to herself that she would be strong for the others, and she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes to steady herself before she follows him.
He's punching the wall. She gets it, really she does, but the last thing any of them need is an injury, especially a broken hand or split open knuckles. So she takes another breath and then crosses the room, hesitating behind him. She does her best to keep her voice somewhat soothing, although she just misses the mark.]
Zell, stop. Please. You're going to hurt yourself.
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It wasn’t until he heard his name and the word stop that he does. He’s panting as he leans forward to rest his forehead against the wall.]
Tifa… [He doesn’t want to turn around just yet.] He's gone...
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just minus the tears
well I'm sure we'll fix that part soon
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With an unintelligible cry, he kicks the nearest thing to him. The chair scuttles and screeches slightly against the floor but fails to tip over and he glares at it before he goes after it again. He snatches it and this time there's no mistaking the way he wails it against the threshold leading into the dining room. There's a solid crack as one of the legs give before it clatters to the floor.
But it's not enough. It'll never be enough. He's gone. He's dead. Like Tadashi. Like Cloud. Like Hiro, Jim's-
He beelines for the table next. ]
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She heard the commotion, and Zack's shout was impossible to mistake for anything other than misplaced anger, but for a moment, she just can't bring herself to stop him. At least he's not punching a wall. At least he probably won't hurt himself. And honestly, she's not sure she can hold herself together long enough to calm him down, anyway.
And then he goes for the table, and the last of her patience snaps.]
Zack, stop it!
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But he did. He saw. He watched. He was right there and he let it happen. All of it. He could have stopped it. He could have said something. If only he'd been- If only he'd said-
But he didn't and now- And now Jim's-!
With a forceful crash, the table lands sideways, scuffed and shaking from the force of the motion. It rattles against the uneven floorboards as he takes in harsh breaths. The sound's aggravating and he takes a step forward, arm winding back. ]
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mmm that it's all for the best OF COURSE IT IS
for that other idiot who almost got himself killed, too
The blame's still there. But if there's anything Hiro had reminded him of, it's that he can't fall apart on them. That if a kid half his size with no claim to combat experience can bravely take a death blow for him, this should be nothing to him. It... has to be. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell.
But... they're hurting like hell, too. And he's gotta...
The last step feels like it echoes, even if it doesn't. He swings the tablet around, heart lurching in his chest as light bounces off the broken glass of the display case, as it lances across the empty spot on the wall where he knows used to house the very thing that aided Jim to damnation. Softly, throat tightening, he calls out: ] Zell?
NOW I'M LYING ON THE COLD HAD FLOOR
He already knows there is no way he’s getting any sleep. He keeps looking for Jim, and it was hurting all over again. They already lost Hiro recently…why did they have to lose Jim? He’s still hoping that maybe when they walk out tomorrow, they will find Jim out there. Or Jim will come down the steps…
The one who comes down the stairs is Zack. Not Jim.
Zell is sitting on the floor in front of the couch. The rug is helping against the cold, but not by much. He has his fitted sheet on the couch with a large blue sweater.]
Zack. [He’ll give a wave as he squints at the light.] Some stuff has changed in here since last I’ve been here.
CAUSE HE KNEW HE WAS TROUBLE WHEN HE WALKED IN
But that's something he's going to have to live with and deal with later. Right then, he's there for Zell. So, he nods at that wave, making a conscious effort to lower the tablet's light when he sees the way Zell scrunches his face. But he's making his way over, regardless, now that he sees where he is. ]
Yeah... [ Being such a conversationalist as he does so. But it has changed... It'll continue to change. Life goes on, with or without- Zack shakes his head as he crosses the rest of the distance and Zell now might see the towel bundled under one of Zack's arms. Might see the soft look in the mako glow of his eyes. ]
Hey... About earlier. I'm sorry. [ Even if he might have all the reason in the world to yell at Zell in the moment, to get him moving, laying it on him like that, even in the heat of the moment... ]
AND HE'S LONG GONE WHEN HES NEXT TO ME AND I REALIZE THAT THE BLAME IS ON ME
IT JUST ALL COMES BACK. BUT HE NEVER DOES.
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and the lovely lady who wanted to kick his best friend's ass
Now... Well, Tifa's next on the list. She's... admittedly a little harder to approach. By only a little bit though, really. Zell had grown close to Jim since he'd joined them. And losing him had been... Well, let's just say that television stand was going to be in need of some serious repairs. The dry wall downstairs, too.
But Tifa... Well. She'd gotten the worst of his backlash after the fact. But it's also because of that that he should definitely seek her out, too, before the end of the night. With how heavy things have been, it takes him a little to track her down. His mind's been a hazy mishmash of thoughts and memories. But mainly regret. But just as he starts to fall into that pit, he fights himself back to the surface because focus, Fair. Gotta find Tifa.
He eventually tracks her down in the kitchen. Rather than bowling in, he remains at the threshold, giving a slight nod in her direction as if asking for permission. ] Hey...
;D LOVELY HUH
The parallel with their talk about Cloud hits her immediately, especially when he doesn't join her right away. It seems like every time they start feeling comfortable around each other, something else happens to make her feel a little awkward again, but really... She understands why he reacted the way he did. She knows all about anger in hopeless situations, so she doesn't blame him, even if she might have responded to him less than politely.
Her hands drop to her lap, twisting together. She wishes she could smile or at least fake cheerfulness, but she's too exhausted to manage it. She hopes he knows that she's not upset with him, anyway.]
Hey.
[At least her tone sounds welcoming.]
just a little bit
He hesitates another beat before he goes far enough as to cross the distance to the table, itself, where he touches the back of the chair opposite hers but doesn't sit. Not quite yet. Instead, he's rubbing at the back of his neck, uneasy. ]
Look... I didn't mean to... you know. Before... [ With the literal table flipping and the angry shouting and the... everything awful that he shouldn't have done but had in the midst of his emotional breakdown. ]
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gross
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Anger, helplessness, frustration, grief.
His knuckles hurt.
But the pain means nothing.
Tadashi, Cloud, Hiro, and now Jim. Even for a SOLDIER - especially for a SOLDIER - it's hard losing so many companions. He's supposed to be the one protecting them, not standing by helpless as they die. It has to be hard for the others, too, he knows. Especially Zack. He should probably go check on them all.
But he knows he's not in any state to help anyone right now, which is why anyone looking for him will find him sitting on the floor of one of the bedrooms, hunched over, with his back against the wall.]
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So, he's going to. Zack already knows he's not downstairs- had done a quick sweep of it. That leaves the upstairs next and it... doesn't take long before he finds him from there. There's no permission asked to enter when he sees him how he sees him. No hesitation although his steps set a slow pace, so he doesn't catch him by surprise either. They've been through so much. Zack, himself, has been such a wreck, even as he's tried to keep himself together. But seeing Kunsel like this... He has to do better. Even if he's hurting like hell.
Zack slides down against the wall until he's sitting beside him. Sitting there and glancing at those said knuckles which he's sure are sore as hell before trying to get a glance of him under that helmet which might mean leaning forward and looking up, hand instinctively going to touch his shoulder. ] Hey...
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Who better than a SOLDIER to know what a SOLDIER would be going through right now...
Though it doesn't mean that he's ready yet. He tilts his head down, avoiding Zack's eyes, his shoulders slumped under that touch.]
Hey... [His voice is soft, almost toneless.] Thought you'd be busy for a while.
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So what are they supposed to do? How are they supposed to keep this from happening again?
The only plan she really has, at the moment, is to check up on Kunsel. He'd saved her today, after all. If he hadn't reacted so quickly, she's not certain she would have stopped herself in time. And she knows she hadn't exactly reacted gratefully, so she feels like she owes him an apology at the very least.
It doesn't take her long to find him, but when she does, she hesitates in the doorway, not sure if her presence is wanted or not. Maybe he just wants to be alone, but it's worth a shot.]
Hey, Kunsel?
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When she speaks, though, he looks up soon enough.]
Hm?
[Sorry, Tifa. You have his attention, but he can't quite muster much more than that.]
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i'll just leave this here
Jim hunches in on himself, coat wrapped closed and hat tucked down low over his ears, as his eyes stay sharp picking shadows from the snow. He's aware of each of the group, where they are in relation to him and each other, and keeps a careful look-out in the rubble they pass. It's a constant process of wary scanning that's become normal in the days since Cloud, and absolutely cemented since Hiro. The thought of either of them has his hands curling a little tighter around the hockey stick.
It kept building, the tension a physical force in his shoulders and head, since he tried to raise Cloud on the network and failed. Since they had to tell everyone what they'd done. It built through Sephiroth, through Zack, through Hiro.
Just because he can put one foot in front of the other doesn't mean he's moving forward anymore. They can't do anything to fight back, not really; even the little victories here are just be another mind-game in the end. He is so sick of mind games, and monsters, and people dying. He just wants -
It comes from nowhere, but Jim sees it first.
He wants -
He doesn't shout a warning.
He wants -
He doesn't turn and run away.
He wants -
He narrows his eyes, clutches his stick a little tighter, and screams wordlessly as he charges.
His swing doesn't - quite - connect. The feeling of a hit is replaced by the hideous thing grabbing his stick and then it's - on him, as his hands claw wildly at the bits wrapped around his face. He can't spare thoughts for his friends, or the future, or anything in the immediacy of the sudden panic of not being able to breathe.
His feet kick uselessly, catching but unable to get any leverage as he feels himself dragged forward.